I went out with some of my favourite people last night for a few drinks in our local. Sara and I were a bit giggly, as we’d managed to get through a bottle of wine before Ian arrived to take us to the pub, which is (I think) a first for us – finishing a bottle of wine, I mean, not Ian taking us to the pub. We get silly at the best of times (my mum calls it giddy, as in ‘stop being so giddy, you two’, which without fail makes us more giddy), and with two glasses each of white wine warming our tummies, we were in fine fettle. We managed to write the theme tune to an imaginary sitcom chronicling the musings of a man who lives with a guinea pig (“Christian and Bimble! Nothing rhymes with Bimble! Christian and Bimble… funnnnnn!” complete with jazz hands at the end) and then we amused ourselves by doing bad impressions of scenes in one of our all time favourite films, Dragonheart.
Sara: “I remember you… you gave me this scar!” … What’s the next bit?
Amanda: Erm… “Didn’t you!”
Sara: Yes, I know that bit… what comes after that?
Amanda: “Didn’t you!”
Sara: No, no it’s… “Your hair… like fire. Your eyes… like blueberries!”
Amanda: I don’t think that’s it.
I ended up Googling it on my phone, because Sara is like a dog with a bone when she can’t remember the end of a quote. I Googled ‘I remember you you gave me this dragonheart’ which made little to no sense, but luckily Google knew more or less what I was going on about, and presented me with some Dragonheart fanfiction. In this fanfiction, the ‘author’ had pretty much written out a transcript of the film, but inexplicably renamed Bowen to Kei, Einon to (of all things) Marcus, and would throw in the odd odd reference to magnetic accelerators and heat regulators. Basically, and unsurprisingly given the usual calibre of fanfiction, it was a load of buffalocrap that the proofreader in me was dying to attack with a red pen. I skimmed through it, in case there were any hilarious sexy bits (I thought that was the whole point of fanfiction, but apparently not. Boring) and then my heart skipped a beat as I reread the last sentence in disbelief.
Because it said this:
Kei pointed up to the sky and the dragon looked up. “I know those stars very well.”
“Do you see the shape they make.”
“Yes. They make a dragon.”
“They call it Draco. It means ‘dragon’ to old Cerican scholars.”
“So instead of calling me dragon in your words you’ll call me dragon in some other words.”
“Your right. Its stupid.”
“No. I would be honored to be named after those stars. I would love it. Thanks Kei. Draco. Draco.” The dragon looked up and he rolled in his new name.
He rolled in it! The dude who wrote this has the same thesaurus as me!